Chatty, Personal

PERSONAL | Confidence

Ah confidence, it’s a funny old thing isn’t it? Keep reading to hear my personal experience with confidence..

Confidence is something that I’ve struggled with my whole life and it’s also something that I’ve had to come to terms with too. I was always that kid in school that didn’t really talk much – but definitely talked way too much AT my friends.. – and shied away from anything and everything.

I was that little girl that asked Father Christmas for ‘confidence’ as my Christmas present every year.. Naturally that didn’t happen because confidence is something you’re born with or learn to become.

I won’t go into it too much because, in all honesty, my experiences were nowhere near as bad as some people’s, but because I was shy and not as confident as my peers, it always meant that I was picked on due to being an ‘easy target’. This only really happened during year’s 7 and 8, until I found a lovely group of girls that I spent every break and lunch time with and we became super close – one of the girl’s I’m actually still really close to now which is lovely – so this made my school life a lot easier.

I’ve always hated being the centre of attention and I was never one to put my hand up in class either, even if I knew the answer! Don’t even talk to me about getting up on the stage either.. A lifelong fear of mine which I still carry with me to this day!

I’ve always surrounded myself with friends that are a lot louder than me and that are also far more outgoing, as I found this to help bring me out of my shell a bit more. Although I definitely would avoid the super loud and brash people – there’s definitely a difference between being bubbly and outgoing and then just plain overconfident. Being around someone who thinks that life is all about them is not going to help you become more confident. However, being friends with those who work to bring the best out in you are the ones to keep around. That may sound harsh to some people, but trust me I do wish that I was one of those overconfident people! But when you’re not confident yourself then those certain people will just hinder your progression with becoming more confident.

Not being confident has definitely stopped me from doing a lot of things in my life and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I do think ‘what if I was confident back then and did …’ – for example, my photography. I received an A* in both GCSE and A Level (which was bloody hard to achieve) and I still don’t think I’m good enough to do it as a full time career, which is just silly because I’m the only person standing in my way of becoming better!

It’s very frustrating wanting to do lots of different things, but not being able to do them due to not feeling confident enough. I’ve only ever had two jobs in my life because I’m absolutely petrified of working with and speaking to new people – it’s like my body physically doesn’t allow me to achieve these things, which is really tough. Especially when your peers are progressing and you’re just stuck, rooted to the same spot.

Anyway, I don’t want this post to become negative, I just wanted to share my personal experience with confidence and help those out there who are maybe a little younger than me (or any age to be honest) and feel the exact same way. I’m here to let you know that it does get easier and it does get better, yes it’s a long and slow process but you will get there in the end. You do also have to push yourself a little bit and really go for things and grab them with both hands, it won’t all fall completely into your lap – but that goes without saying and applies to a lot of things in life.

I’ve always wanted to do volunteer work in a primary school and talk to children who were exactly like me and just let them know, that confidence is a long road but one day you’ll get there. I have actually still achieved so many things that I wouldn’t even have dreamed possible, so even though I’ve missed a few I still haven’t missed them all.

For example, since finally encouraging myself to pick photography back up again, I got in contact with a lovely lady (Sam, I’ve mentioned her before) who has helped me with my confidence massively. There is no way that a couple of years ago I would have contacted a complete stranger and asked for their help with gaining experience in photography. I definitely would not have also gone to any exercise classes on my own, however within the last year I’ve attended loads by myself and honestly? It isn’t even that bad, I actually quite like it! I hated being the first to walk in to a restaurant or cinema screen with my friends and now I don’t even care if people look – they’re not interested in me anyway and looking back it sounds so silly but it was just another couple of things that made me feel really shy.

One thing I do still struggle with to this day is answering the phone. I don’t even know what it is about that tiny little thing (my mobile isn’t too bad, it’s more the office phone in work), but it sets my heart going and honestly makes me wanna cry! It’s stupid but I stutter and sound extremely unprofessional – I also hate being put on the spot and being asked a question that I don’t know the answer to, as I’m rubbish at thinking of something on the spot.

All of this may seem really simple to some people, but those who struggle with their confidence will know that sometimes the simplest of steps are the hardest to take and you know what? I’m actually quite proud of myself and I definitely do not say that often at all!

As I’ve gotten older (I’m 22 now) my confidence has definitely grown and I’ve seen myself do a lot of things that I wouldn’t have done even a couple of years ago. I’m happy that my confidence is growing daily – slowly but surely – and who knows, one day I might be super confident (highly doubt it)!

This post has definitely been a rambly one, but it’s been nice letting the words flow and to talk about something a bit more personal to myself.

 

I’d love to hear your guys’ experiences with confidence in the comments and please do feel free to reach out to me if any of you are struggling right now, as I’m more than happy to help and share more of what I’ve learnt! Please do also let me know if you prefer a more personal style of post from me too xoxo♡ BlogLovin’ | Tumblr | Instagram | Twitter ♡