Chatty, Personal

Life Update: What’s Been Going On?!

It’s time to have a proper catch up…

I do love a good honest chat and a lot has been going on recently. I’m not particularly fond of talking about things ‘in the moment’, as it can be a bit embarrassing. Even though there’s never anything to be embarrassed about, we all feel like we ‘fail’ at life sometimes. So I wanted to share this little life update to let you all in, so you can find out what the hell has been going on with me recently! I’m sure you’re all hella confused if you’ve been keeping up to date with my Instagram stories, so it’s time to divert that confusion and have bit of a lengthy chat!

Let’s try and start a little bit from the beginning, shall we?

Back in November of last year, I took voluntary redundancy from my place of work. Having worked there for six years, this was something quite difficult to grasp. Mainly because I’m really quite a shy character and new situations for me are absolutely horrible.

Fast forward to March of this year and I was happily enjoying myself as a little postie for my local area! Despite the rain-y and cold weather, I genuinely quite enjoyed the job. I was walking for miles every day and had no one to rely on but myself. It was a lovely little job, except for the dogs. Unfortunately, I got bit after only being in the job for a measly four months. I tried my absolute hardest to carry on and push myself through, but I could feel my anxiety returning and also my fear of dogs. Which is not a fun fear to have, let me tell you! It took me 10 years to get over my fear last time.. I was adamant that was not going to happen again this time.

As soon as I started at Royal Mail, I said to myself that I could only quit on one condition – that I got bit by a dog. I wasn’t expecting it to ever happen really, so that was a shock in itself. It wasn’t a bad bite, but it shook me up and unfortunately wasn’t something that I could get over. So at the beginning of July, I decided to hand my notice in.

Queue being unemployed, A G A I N. I hated telling people and I hated people asking me ‘what I was up to now’. I found it embarrassing and I felt pretty worthless to be honest with you. The guilt of not working is actually horrible and fellow unemployed people will probably understand this feeling.

What happened then?!

The most amazing job opportunity of my life arose. I honestly could not believe my luck, it was a definite ‘pinch me’ moment. Without going too much into the in’s and out’s of this (as I wasn’t the only person involved), the role was within social media. It sounded like something I had been yearning to do for many years now. It sounded perfect for me. I was beyond excited and genuinely couldn’t believe my luck.

I was due to start my ‘dream job’ at the beginning of November, so I only needed to get myself by for a few months. This was a little harder than I had expected, but I couldn’t be dealing with the faff of a temporary job. I didn’t want to be ‘the new girl’ for only a couple of month’s, the very thought fills me with the most awful nausea. So I decided to try and catch up with my blog, do a few photography bits here and there and then also some work for a couple of companies that needed my help.

Without going into too much detail, my ‘dream job’ fell through and left me feeling absolutely gutted. I don’t think I stopped crying for a week! Everything happens for a reason and what’s meant to be, will be. That’s what I kept telling myself! Now I was back to square one and comparing every job role to what could have been – not ideal.

The beginning of September was a little rough for me and I haven’t felt that low in a very very long time. It was getting harder to pick myself up and dust myself off, but I knew I had too for the sake of myself mentally. I decided to start looking for a part time job that could run alongside my photography, as I made the decision to finally start pushing myself out of my comfort zone and give my photography business a chance. Meeting new people is quite daunting and the idea of being judged is too much (I’m sure a lot of people feel this way), so I’ve never pushed it. Oh, that and the fact that I don’t actually think I’m good enough!

Where am I now?

Well, I do now have a job! As of last Friday (27th Sep) and I start on Monday (today, ah!) – I’m absolutely shitting myself. I’m very excited though, as I will be a Visual Merchandiser/Stylist for Marks & Spencer in their Womenswear department – how cool is that?! I do have some very early mornings (6am and 7am starts, ahhh), so wish me luck with that as I am NOT a morning person! I’m really hoping that it’s going to be something I enjoy. My team seems really lovely too, which always makes any job 100x better doesn’t it?!

As soon as I’m receiving a steady income again and am in a working routine, I know I’m going to feel so much better. I already do feel a lot better than even just a few weeks ago. However, being the new girl is all I’m thinking about right now. So it will take a little time to feel fully ok again.

I’m also thinking of booking myself in for some therapy sessions. I feel like there’s a few things that have happened in my life that I need to address in more detail and talk about with someone who’s there to help. With my low moods and anxiety returning for a brief few months recently, I think it will be beneficial for myself and those around me. So I’ll keep you updated with how that goes. Hopefully I can start feeling more like ‘me‘ again very soon.

Why am I sharing this?

To help anyone else out there who is currently at a bit of a low point in their life. I promise you, things do get better. You just have to try and stay positive and grab life by the horns. I remember thinking that things could never get better and I’d always feel down, but that’s never the case! Everything in life happens for a reason and you just have to trust that. Even if it feels really unfair and extremely upsetting at the time. Life doesn’t always work out exactly as you had planned. There’s always a path that we’re meant to be on. Sometimes it can just work out in funny and twist-y ways.

How have you been feeling recently? What have you been up to?xoxo

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